Since Everyone Else Is Talking About Opinions...

I am so thankful that I live in the United States.  I am able to worship the God I choose, I can spend my money how I want, and I'm not told how many kids I am supposed to have.  I am given so much freedom that I take it for granted on a daily basis.  But with all of this freedom we have, why do I never share my opinion on certain topics?
I'll tell you exactly why.  Because to a lot of Americans, having the freedom to have an opinion also means they have the ability to degrade and disrespect others due to their opinion.  If you are reading this looking to hear my side of the current controversial argument that is filling my Facebook newsfeed, look elsewhere.  I do not plan on sharing my opinion at the moment.  But why not, you say?  Because I am afraid.  I live in a country where I'm free to live the way I choose (for the most part,) yet I live in fear when I speak.  I fear that I will offend someone and start a disagreement.  I fear that I will lose a friend over a difference in opinion.  I fear that I will be called stupid or ignorant by the opposite "side."  If you know me, you may assume that you know my stand on the current topics, but rest assured, you do not.  My husband knows.  And he is the only one that I feel comfortable sharing those stances with.
My husband is my rock.  My best friend.  Yes, that does sound incredibly cliche, and probably a bit cheesy, but it is true.  When my husband and I discuss issues such as these, I know I can speak judgement free and not have the fear of being attacked for how I feel.  And contrary to what you may believe, that is not because we agree.  My husband and I have differing opinions on many subjects.   But we agree on the areas in life that are important to us and that shape our relationships with God, our marriage and our family. 
When we were dating, Adam made sure to let me know that he hated seafood (aside from fried popcorn shrimp that barely tastes like shrimp,) because I love seafood and could eat it on a daily basis.  I knew that there was likely no changing his mind on the topic.  A lot of times, once you become an adult, you like what you like and that's that.  Guess what?  I married him anyway.  When we went out to eat, I took the opportunity to eat seafood if it was available and he could order chicken.  Did we get into all-out fights in the middle of the second course of our meal because I was eating something he didn't like?  Nope.  We agreed to disagree and ate what we enjoyed.  We were able to live in harmony, make compromises and live our lives.
Now, I know that seafood is not as much of an "it" topic as homosexuality, abortion, or our current president.  But it is still an area in which many people disagree.  I didn't realize that when I logged onto my Facebook this morning when my son took his morning nap, I would be greeted with hundreds of pictures of a camo-wearing bearded man with several different statuses, and 20+ comments on each friend's status filled with disgust and hate.  The sad part is that people were not pointing all of the hate at the man in the article, or the author of the article, or even the issue itself.  They were throwing their disgust toward the "friends" who posted the article and commented on it.  Some of the things I read made me think very differently of some of my friends.  I even read someone say that someone else's opinion was wrong because they had too many grammatical errors in their sentence.  Seriously?  (We live in a mobile generation.  It's called auto correct and it sucks.)  After reading those comments, I snuck back and took residence in my comfy, quiet, non-opinionated cave and decided I was definitely not sharing how I felt about the topic.  No way was I going to be made to feel disrespected or ignorant because my "friends" disagree with me.
Where did we go wrong?  When did we become so awful to one another?  I believe in God, as I'm sure you know.  Not some random god, but the God, the Almighty, the Creator.  I know a lot of people that do not believe in the same God as me.  Do I hate them?  Nope.  Do I attack them and tell them they are living their lives wrong and that they will be damned to hell?  Wrong again.  I pray for them.  I care about them.  I try to invest in their lives, get to know them, and if they want to have an adult discussion free of the drama that runs so rampant in our culture, I say "Of course!" and we are able to do so without ruining our friendship and causing an uproar.  Would I like it if they changed their opinion to be on course with mine?  Of course.  Life would be so much easier if we all agreed.  But we don't, and that is never going to happen.
Do you want to make an impact for whatever "side" you are on?  Stop being hateful!  Stop making people feel ignorant just because they don't believe the same as you on some topics. You may not believe in Jesus the same way I do, but look at his example.  Jesus met many people that didn't believe He was the Christ, the one sent to set us free from sin.  Did He avoid them?  Or yell at them in the street?  He dined with them and got to know them.  He befriended them and as a result of His kindness and compassion, others began to follow Him and were interested in His opinion.  He didn't lack passion for what He believed just because he didn't use a harsh tone or picket signs.  In my opinion, he was much more passionate than those that speak out hurtfully towards others for the sake of their stance.  Because He was able to demonstrate control in the way he defended His opinion.  It's very hard to show control in a situation if you are passionate about it.  But by being subtle and showing He cared for the person before the opinion, He was able to be more passionate, and many others ultimately aligned with His way of thought.
We need to care for one another and not just topics.  It is sad that there are some of us that feel embarrassed when we read others' comments and retreat to our safe place of no opinion.  Too many people think that freedom means "I can tell my opinion and be correct and should be free from persecution, but when you share yours, I get to degrade you."  Just stop it!  Learn to show compassion. Want to show you are truly an adult and that your opinions matter?  Then learn how to have a civilized discussion or debate concerning things you feel strongly on without berating someone else for not agreeing with you.  If you want to try to change the minds of those that believe differently, care about them as a human being and not just about their opinion.  Post on their Facebook walls to say, "How are you?" and not only when they post something controversial.  I am more than my opinion on gay marriage.  I am more than my opinion on abortion.  I am a person with feelings.
And, for the record, as time went on, Adam decided to try seafood and it turns out that he is actually pretty fond of it.  I guess that's what happens when you show respect for what someone else thinks.

There's Peace In The Waiting

I have had a bumpy past few days.  I won't go into detail, but we've had a situation come up in our life that has required me to trust God and wait.  I'm horrible at waiting.  I don't like backed up traffic.  I always find the shortest line at Wal-Mart.  (Impossible, I know. Yet I still try.) I have been working on growing in my trust in the Lord and in His plan, but this week has definitely thrown a wrench into things.
Throughout this time, I keep hearing a still, small voice say, "There's peace in the waiting.  Trust."  And what do I shout back?...  "Why?!  Why do I have to wait?!  How can I be expected to trust when I don't know if my trust will be rewarded with good news?"  I have had to wait before, but never like this.  Never for an answer that means so much to me.  Today I expected an answer.  And again, I got a, "Wait."  I honestly don't know how much more waiting I can do.  My mind is exhausted and I have run out of room for worries.  And yet here I sit, in my quiet dining room, worrying and waiting.
I have used the last few days to find any opportunity to pray that I can.  I pray as I nurse my son.  I pray as I get ready in the morning.  I pray as I lay in bed worrying, because surely praying is more productive than worrying, even at 2:00am.
I have been craving one of my favorite childhood snacks, Chex Muddy Buddies, for a few days now.  Today I finally had a few spare minutes and mixed them up.  As my kids sat in the living room content, I measured ingredients into a bowl and prayed to myself.  I mixed messy peanut butter and chocolate into cereal with my hands as tears started to fall down my face.  And then I stopped.  A small sound was creeping into my mind.  What was it?  I needed to focus for a minute to figure out what it was through my worrying.  I closed my eyes and begged for the sound to fill my mind until I realized what it was.  A song.  An older favorite of mine.  I hadn't heard it in a few years, yet it was right there and I could recite every single word.  "As I wait, You make me strong.  As I long, draw me to Your arms.  As I stand, and I sing Your praise, You come, You come and You fill this place!"  I hate waiting, but I love that song, and I love what it has given to me today.
As anyone does in a waiting situation, I am waiting for the good news.  For the, "Nevermind, it's all good!"  But in this time of waiting, God is making me strong.  I'm learning to trust more and to love better.  Perhaps I need to learn that before I hear the news.  Maybe God is building me to be prepared for something that is to come, whether in this situation or the next one that comes my way.  The whole reason that I started this blog was to help me realize that I was learning something new every day.  And today I learned an important one.  Everyone always says, "God only gives you what you can handle," and with the lack of trust I have, I can't properly handle much.  I've always strived to become more trusting of God, and yet I feel like I'm spinning in a revolving door without stepping out, finding no resolution.
Just today, the trust I have in God has grown tremendously. And my belief in that still, small voice that I keep hearing that says, "There's peace in the waiting," has grown as well.  Because as I go over the different outcomes that I may be presented with in the next few days, I've felt so much peace.  I can think about our situation without crying every time, and I don't spend my waking moments worrying. I feel at peace.  I feel like I'm learning to trust.  And perhaps the situation has been stretched over time in order for me to learn a lesson that is very important.  That God knows what He's doing even if I don't.  And that I need to trust in that plan and know He will do the work He feels is needed in my life. 
But I still hope my phone rings tomorrow with news! :)

Children See. Children Do.

My son has become quite the parrot.  Whatever we say, he repeats.  I am thankful the neither my husband or I speak with harmful language (aside from the occassional "crap," but that is being phased out of our vocabulary as well.)  He will repeat letters, colors, numbers, and song lyrics when we prompt him.  But I noticed the other day that he repeats things that we don't prompt him to as well.  One of my common phrases is, "Oh, child!" when he does something silly.  I did something funny the other day and he looked at me with his ornery grin and yelled, "Oh, tiled!" with his little voice.  Wow.  He truly hears everything that we say and emulates our actions.  You can see it in the way children talk on play phones.  In the way they learn to smile at just a few months of age.  In the way they interact with others.
We are given the responsibility of raising our children to be adults.  What type of adult they become is dependent mostly on us and our parenting techniques.  Yes, every child has their own natural disposition and tendencies toward certain attitudes.  But for the most part, they become little carbon copies of us.  That's why I believe alcoholism and habits like smoking and nail-biting pass along through generations.  Monkey see. Monkey do.  Or, as I stated earlier, children see.  Children do.  We can blame television, music, and other influences all that we would like.  But we as parents are the ones that allow them to be exposed to the television, music, and instances that they are, for the most part.
So, you want to raise children that honor God and follow Him with all their being?  Do it yourself!  Strive to be in the Word and set aside a daily quiet time with Him.  Want your children to respect their future spouse and keep them as an importance in their life?  Show them how much you care for your spouse!  Want them to be great parents?  Be one yourself! This video is a powerful showing of how children watch and learn from their parents.  (Please be aware: This may be sensitive to some viewers, and I do not believe it is suitable for children to watch.  It is, however, a very powerful video of how children notice all that we do.)
We need to start taking our roles as parents seriously.  There are so many people that want children and are unable to conceive, yet some people have children and ignore the responsibility to raise them, and some even devalue the lives of those that should be so important to them.  Be an example to your children, as well as other parents, and value and adore your little ones.  Teach them.  Love them.  And watch them grow!

People Love To Hate

As I scrolled through Facebook this morning, I was amazed at some things I saw.  I follow a few different news organizations and (as bad as it probably sounds) I get caught up on most news articles via my Facebook timeline.  When you can have all of your favorite sources in one place updating often, why not just follow them and read things all in one click?  Anywho, I clicked on a few different articles to read, some actual news, some updates on my favorite television shows.  And I made the dreaded mistake of clicking on the comments for one.  Some of the things I read were so appalling that I decided to see if the pattern was consistent on other articles as well.  And sadly, it was.
It didn't matter what the article was about.  The general theme of the comments was as follows: a few "great article" comments, the first comment saying they didn't agree with the article, a comment bashing the author of the article, multiple comments arguing with first negative comment writer, a couple random nice comments, and then more bashing.  Some of the comments even escalated to cursing and text "yelling," i.e. all capital letters.  One of the most heated arguments?  Over a picture posted on the television show Grey's Anatomy's Facebook page because one random person said it was a spoiler to her, as she was multiple seasons behind.  Then ensued multiple comments telling her to stop complaining (in not so nice words) when it was her own fault she was behind, and the original commentor followed by cursing at everyone for making her feel bad for feeling behind.
When did we decide it was necessary to get into heated arguments with strangers on a social media site? (which was originally designed to connect college students, by the way.)  I am amazed by the gumption some people have.  I honestly felt embarrassed for us as humans as I read through the comments.  We have been given this wonderful freedom, especially as citizens of the United States, to speak freely and express our opinions.  Yet, to most people it seems, that also allows us the right to hate others for speaking their opinion. 
It is even sadder to me when I see fellow Christians participating in this hate speech to others.  John 13:34,35 says, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you at my disciples, if you have love for one another."  We ignore this verse too often.  I am by no means saying that I am perfect at loving those around me.  Sometimes it's really hard!  But there is no excuse for instigating hate behavior just because we have differing opinions.  You may not agree on what someone else thinks, but you are not being a true example of a Christian to someone if you are constantly "bashing" others.  If we are to share the gospel with others, then we need to do it not only by speaking Jesus' name, but by having his attitude in all circumstances.  Jesus loved sinners.  He appealed to them by being kind when others were not, and through that kindness, he was able to share the Good News of his Father. 
Matthew 22:37-39 also says, "Jesus replied, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"  We strive to love God with every breath, yet don't even speak a kind word to our neighbor when we cross paths.  We are to model our lives after Christ's, but in order to be Christlike, we must be willing to be kind to our neighbors.  I mean, is it really going to hurt if we actually say something nice to someone when our first reaction is to be mean?  This world could use a little bit of Christlike compassion, and more than a few kind words.  Speak a few today.

I Am Not Super Mom

I have a habit of trying to do everything and refusing to not have everything done perfectly.  It's a pretty awful habit, actually.  Sure, if you ask me to do something, you pretty much know I will do it to the best of my abilities.  But I am also great at disappointing myself when I don't do things just right.
Today I am realizing that I spend a lot of time trying to be "Super Mom."  I try to keep my house perfectly clean.  I try to clip every coupon and save every bit of money I can.  I try to take a picture of my kids every day because they change so quickly. I want to cook healthy, homemade meals whenever possible.  And when I don't succeed at every one of those things, the rest of my day just goes downhill. 
Having two children has been an adjustment for me, but it really hasn't been that hard. I've had to find new ways to do some things, but for the most part, life hasn't gotten a lot more hectic (aside from having two kids needing me at one time, but that's to be expected.)  I use to enjoy trips to the grocery store with Cameron.  We would slowly stroll down the aisles, I would get everything on my list in perfect order and no additional items.  And we would peacefully leave the store to go home and unload immediately.  Then he turned two, and I had another baby.  My grocery trips now end up being chaotic, with at least one kid crying at some point in the store, Ben needing to be nursed (because heaven forbid he take a bottle for me once a week,) half of my list being tossed in the trash, extra things in my cart that I grab to compensate for not getting the needed items, forgetting to use my coupons, and keeping groceries in the car for twenty minutes so that I can feed Ben before he screams too much once we get home.  I now despise grocery shopping.  How can two tiny things make something I used to love turn into something I now dread?!
As I was sitting quietly in the car after loading the groceries into it from the cart and the kids were content for a couple minutes, I realized that the problem is not that my family was growing.  My problem is that my expectations are staying the same.  I expect everything to be perfect.  I expect it to all be easy.  I expect to make it through a shopping trip with no meltdowns.  Just having a two year old negates every one of my expectations, and then I added a baby to the mix. Why do I always think it all has to be perfect?  Why can't I accept that sometimes I won't get everything done, and that a lot of times it won't all be done just so?
Colossians 3:23-24 says, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ."  It doesn't say, "You must complete all grocery shopping with no tears, saving 50% of your total, and quickly return home by naptime."  It also doesn't say, "You must be perfect at everything."  We are to strive to be our best for God, but the only perfect person to ever walk this earth was Jesus Christ.  Now, that doesn't mean that we can purposely not try our best.  But it does mean that when we fail, we are not done for.  God knows we will fail.  That's why he graciously sent his son to die in our place and to take the punishment of our sin and inadequacies.  God created a rest for us because he knew our earthly bodies and minds could not withstand the pressure to be perfect.  "And he said to them, 'The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath'" (Mark 2:27.)
I am thankful that we have a God who understands that we cannot be perfect, especially by our own outrageous standards. From now on, I will remember that it is just fine to be "Mom," because "Super Mom" doesn't exist.

Mommies Are In High Demand

This past week was Thanksgiving.  It was great to get to spend time with my family (both immediate and extended) for a few days and not worry about my husband having to leave home for work.  And despite the "vacation," I did have enough going on to have a post for today.  (Yay!)  This isn't something I've recently learned in my life, but it is something that I feel compelled to write on.
Mommies have a hard job.  We nurture, feed, clothe, and support our children.  We stress, worry, and console them.  The emotional end of the "job" in itself is exhausting.  Not only are you supporting someone who cannot physically or mentally support themselves, but you are in demand 24/7.  (Note: This is not a working-vs-SAHM post.  Whether you are home all day or have a 10 hour a day job, you are always a mother and you are always in demand and supporting your children in every moment. I am also in no way implying that Daddies don't also work hard and offer support to their children and wives.  But I'm a mommy, so that's the end of the spectrum that I can write about.  My husband is wonderful, and this blogpost should in no way be seen as a feminist piece.)
I was originally really looking forward to  our few days away from home this past week.  Being around family is great and I so enjoy catching up with everyone, but it's also nice because the kiddos  have others to occupy them aside from just Mommy all day long.  I thought this would be a great time to catch up on the rest that I've missed out on because I or someone else in our home has been sick consistently for the last month and it has been draining.  I took advantage of any naptimes I could, I let the kids be held by anyone that wanted to hold them, and my oldest went on walks and watched movies with my parents. But despite the occassional twenty minute power naps, I still came home completely exhausted.
We came home yesterday evening and I was looking forward to a great nights' sleep in my own comfortable bed and figured I would wake up refreshed this morning.  Well, I am probably about as far from feeling refreshed as possible. I wanted to get a few things done around the house in preparation for a new week, so I stayed up way later than I should have.  My husband has the awful cold that I had the last three weeks, and is now coughing all night long, which makes me, (a very, very light sleeper,) stay up most of the night, my youngest is still too young to sleep through the night without nursing, and our children now like to wake up between 5:30/6am every day.  I know that today I will exist mainly because of the Gloria Jean's Mudslide K-cups I bought on sale Black Friday. (And no, I can't blame some of my exhaustion on crazy Black Friday shopping.  I go every year... But not until about 10am on Friday, and never on Thanksgiving Day.)
As I'm sitting here sipping my second cup of hot coffee and wallowing in my own tired complaints, I am reminded of something I read about a year ago.  I did a morning quiet time for a while based on the book, "Real Moms... Real Jesus." by Jill Savage.  It was probably one of the most eye-opening and heart-changing devotions I have ever done, and i highly recommend it.  One of the weeks was entitled, "Can I please go to the bathroom alone?"  Oh my, how I identify with this!  There is always either a little hand or a Matchbox car peaking under the bathroom door when I go.  I am lucky if I get to take one of my every-other-day showers alone in the evenings because my oldest has become obsessed with taking showers also, but is not near old enough to take them alone yet.
Matthew 4:25 says that, "large crowds followed (Jesus) wherever he went."  I bet he had his share of bathroom interruptions.  He was in high-demand, just like mommies are.  He understands!  Everyone flocked to him wherever he went, and there was no break for him from being the Son of God.  Why couldn't people just cut Jesus a break and let him take a nice nap or read a whole book in one sitting?  Because they adored him.  They admired him.  They loved him!  I think the same is true about mothers.  We support, feed, clothe, and play with our children.  We offer them our attention.  And they depend on us for so much to the point that they could not survive without us.  We are adored!  We are admired!  We are loved!  Of course we are in high demand!
One other side of this that I realized as I sat quietly this morning is that while we are in high demand on the mother side we are also God's children.  He keeps us fed, clothed, supported, and alive.  How am I not spending more time admiring, adoring, and loving him?  Where did my child's heart disappear to?  I pray that as I learn to grow as a mother, I also grow as a child.  As God's child.  Always remembering that my strength to support my children comes not from my K-cups, but from God himself.  Which means a quality quiet time with God needs to be higher on my priority list than it is right now.  Jill Savage says in her book, "When Jesus sent the crowds away so that he could spend time with the Father, it was an act of love for the Father and for himself.  He also loved the people, but he knew He couldn't give to them out of his emptiness.  He needed to spend time with the Father to be able to minister with a full spiritual and emotional tank."  We as mothers can not continue to bear everything and support everyone without first filling ourselves with His word and strength.
So when you have one of those days where you are exhausted and have so much to do so there's no way you can fit in a quiet time, that's when you need it the most. It may be hard to set aside the time, but it is necessary.  Love the Father like you never have before so that you can love your children like they have never known.

I Made Cheesecake!

So, this isn't some crazy important lesson I've learned, or some mind-blowing event that took place in my life.  But this week, I made a homemade cheesecake for the first time ever.  And it was amazing!
I absolutely love anything that has to do with cooking and baking.  In fact, I volunteer to spend most of my afternoon in the kitchen cooking so that my mom didn't have to because I just wanted to spend my time in one of my most favorite rooms in the house.  Now that I'm a momma of two, I don't get to spend near us much time cooking and baking as I would like to.  But I started my first Thanksgiving food project a couple of days ago. 
I go crazy over Olive Garden's Pumpkin Cheesecake.  The awful thing is that they only serve it around fall every year, so I have to get my fill of it when it's actually available.  I decided I wanted it with Thanksgiving dinner this year, so I set off on an internet search for the closest recipe possible.  After finding what looked like the best candidate (http://www.food.com/recipe/olive-garden-pumpkin-cheesecake-458678) I started gathering my supplies, and the confidence in the kitchen to make one of the more difficult recipes I've done.  Cheesecakes have always intimidated me.  I've heard horror stories of cracked cheesecakes, ones that fall apart before you cut them, and cutting into seemingly-baked cheesecakes only to have raw goo pour out from the middle.  So needless to say, I researched every single thing possible to make sure that those stories didn't happen to me!
I probably spent a ridiculous amount of time making sure that I had every detail perfect.  I followed the recipe to a "t," reading and rereading it the couple days prior to baking.  I searched for cheesecake baking tips and followed every one that seemed to be smart.  I freaked out every step of the way.  And I constantly wished that it wasn't against food etiquette to cut a slice of my cheesecake before Thanksgiving!
After all of that work, and a huge mess in my kitchen, I had a baked a cheesecake with no cracks, no jelly-like center, and no crumbling crust.  And then I had to wait two days to cut into it!  As I sliced the first piece tonight, I was seriously sweating.  Then I spread my homemade whipped cream onto it (UH-MAZ-ING!,) garnished with gingersnaps and caramel sauce, and gave out the plates.  And listened to the quiet of my family eating and the "mmmmmmmmmm" sound that soon followed.
I had done it!  I conquered a (ridiculous) fear of mine and successfully baked my first free-standing flavored cheesecake.  And it is probably one of the best things I have ever made.
Next challenge: Gingerbread Cheesecake at for Christmas dinner with the in-laws.  I'm ready to take it on now!

My Family Is Too Important.

Yep. I did it again.  I haven't written in...  Well...  The time doesn't need to be mentioned.  But you will understand why when you read this post.  And you will also learn that my "every day" goal is being knocked down to "twice a week."
I have a problem.  I get busy too easily.  I always find something to occupy my time and I have a horrible habit of always saying, "Yes!"  That may not seem like that bad of a habit, until you factor in that I have a husband, two children, and myself to take care of, on top of all of the other responsibilities that I take on.  I recently had a bit of a wake up call about my busy-ness.
My children are growing up so quickly, and most of my time is spent cleaning, organizing, emailing, typing, or reading, and taking care of the things I have committed to doing for others.  I love my friends.  I love my (extended) family.  I love my church family.  But my immediate family is what is most important in my life, aside from God.  And I am watching them pass by me and spending minimal amounts of time pouring into them.  It seems like there is always an event to attend, an errand to run, a schedule to make, or a book I have to read (whether for pleasure, or because I'm asked to.)  And as I take care of those responsibilities, I get irritated when my children, or time itself, don't cooperate and allow me to finish the tasks I need to.  But while I wrote out my to-do list the other day and flipped the page because I ran out of room, I realized that no where on that list is, "Build towers with Cameron," or "Baby Talk with Bennett," or "Cuddle with Hubby."  And "Put Your Feet Up and Relax," was definitely not on the list.  Instead, I needed to clean, organize, bake a cake, make a gift, read a chapter of a book, write a blog post, etc....  I try to make my to-do lists in order of priority.  Devotional time is always at the top, but it somehow gets pushed down further every day.  So, not only am I straying from spending time with my family, but from spending time with my Heavenly Father as well.
So I have resolved to change that.  Before I bother to even start the dishes, I will play cars or build towers with Cameron.  I will cuddle and chat with Ben.  When my husband gets home and the kids are asleep, I will cuddle with him instead of read or play a game on my phone or bake something.  This seems like a great change, right?  Of course it does!...  Until I realize that by re-prioritizing my days, I will need to say "no."  It is such a hard word for me to say.  I have always striven to be liked by everyone I know.  I want to please them and show them that I am committed to our relationship.  But being committed doesn't mean that I always have to do everything I am asked to do.  I can't always bake the cake they need.  I can't always read some of that book they "assigned" to me.  I can't always attend that meeting.  And that will just have to be okay.
The holidays are approaching, and so is one of the times I dread.  I have always loved Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I used to love traveling.  Then I had children.  Such little humans require so many things when you go on trips, and sleeping in places besides home doesn't happen easily for them or me.  I end up coming home from holiday "vacation" exhausted and stressed with a ton of laundry (and gifts, at Christmas time) to sort.  We are entering the time when everyone wants us to be somewhere.  I feel like it is completely impossible to make everyone happy unless you travel to visit everyone you know for every single holiday.  That's a lot of every-s.  And honestly, I don't like it.  I shouldn't be spending my favorite time of year stressing about who I'm upsetting by staying in one place for too long.  I shouldn't be worried that someone will look down on me for staying home with my sweet little family for Christmas day instead of traveling in the car.  But I still do.  I worry and wish I could have planned differently and I stress until I can't sleep. If I had my way, we would stay in the comfort of our home and people would come see us instead of us lugging everything out of our home and inevitably bringing back twice as much, because there are always leftovers, new clothes, or new toys that someone wants to send with us.  It doesn't matter if we are visiting family or friends, the stress is still the same.  A vacation to me is just a trip away from our comfortable home, and I'm still Mom and still in-demand 24/7.  I'm fine being Mom all the time.  I love it.  But when you add additional stressors, it gets HARD! (Side note: I love all of our extended family, and I enjoy spending time with them and doing fun things together.  I'm assuming that is a known when I type this. It's the traveling part of vacations that I don't enjoy.)
I want to see all of our family for the holidays.  I want to be okay with traveling constantly.  I want to be fine with us taking our time off work to be away from home.  (I think people forget about that last part.)  But I can't.  It's something I have struggled with for over two years now and I probably always will.  I don't think families should feel like visits always have to be alternated, or equal amounts of time, yet I place that burden on myself and try to make everything fair.  No one even has to mention fairness or holiday visits for me to start worrying.  I do it to myself.
This year, I want to try my best to enjoy my holiday season with my family of four.  We may not be in our home, but we will be all together.  I will love the time we spend with our extended family, but at the end of the day, the time I spent with my husband and little boys is what matters most to me.  And I will start saving money like crazy so that we can one day have our own home and people can come visit us for a holiday and maybe I won't stress as much.  But I still probably will.
Because my family is TOO important.  They are TOO important for me to need to have all the laundry and dishes cleaned.  They are TOO important for me to have to make that schedule and read that book when I haven't spoken kind words to them yet today.  They are TOO important for me to worry about writing a blog post more than twice a week.  And they are TOO important for me to worry about pleasing everyone that I know.  I care about making God and the three guys that live under my roof happy.  And that's just going to have to be okay from now on.

Birthday Parties Aren't Stressful... When They Aren't At Your House!

Saturday was my son's second birthday party. (He turns two on November 11. Yep... He was an 11/11/11 baby. I'm awesome.)

Last year at his first birthday party, I tried to do everything. I cooked a full meal. Meatballs, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, chicken. You name it. I made it. I baked cupcakes, made homemade decorations, spent hours toiling over every single detail, and invited everyone I knew that had children. And you know what? Besides the pictures, I barely remember it. I do remember being so stressed and running around like a chicken with my head cut off. (Excuse the cliche.) And I remember after it was over, saying "We get to do this every year?? Yay..." Sense the sarcasm?

So this year, I went a different route. I really didn't have the time to invest in a ton of homemade decorations, and we had so much food left over last year that I didn't see the sense in cooking a feast again. And cleanup last year was awful after all of that work! So I rented out the Children's Discovery Museum here in our town. I baked a simple box cake and cupcakes and used canned icing and sprinkles. I bought two tablecloths, colored plates and napkins, and one helium balloon. And I got a veggie tray and a few bags of chips. Ta-da. Instant birthday party with very little fuss. We invited a small group of friends that our son sees on a weekly basis, mostly little boys from our church family and their siblings. I did stretch out of my plan and make treat bags... out of the leftover Halloween candy that I didn't want to keep in the house. I will remember this trick every year for his parties.

And guess what? I know that it just happened, but I remember it! I got to talk to some parents. I got to play with my son. I took my own pictures. And it was amazing! Yes, I did pay a fee to rent the museum, but compared to the amount of money and time I spent on all of the food and decorations last year, it was so worth it! The best part was that when you rent the museum, you get it for a two hour block. The first and last fifteen minutes were set aside for setup and tear down. So when it was time to go, our family helped us gather the little bit of items we had brought and out the door we went. And I came home to my clean home with a few fun presents, I put on comfy clothes, and I watched football.

Best birthday party day ever. I don't think I will ever throw a crazy intricate fully-homemade party again. Because I guarantee my son and his ten friends had so much fun Saturday that they didn't care one bit about what I decorated with and what they ate. Except the cake. They all liked the cake. :)

Don't Ever Expect A Bad Day To Stay Bad

I don't like to start my day off rough. The worst start to a day for me is waking up at 6:00am after being up every two hours all night long. Which is exactly what happened to me last night.

I love my children. But it is so hard to stay optimistic and make the day fun for your kids when you can't think straight because your head hurts and you can't keep your eyes open. To make matters worse, my almost-two-year-old was so grouchy and defiant today, and our almost-three-month-old was a gassy mess for some reason. After being awake for only three hours, I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown and it was barely 9:30am. At that point, I realized that the day needed to turn around. Fast!

And then, the miraculous happened! Well, miraculous to me, at least. The boys fell asleep at the same time! Which means I got to nap too! And they napped for almost two straight hours. I woke up feeling refreshed and so much better! We colored. We played. They even cooperated so that I could clean up some of the house! I had counted the day out and assumed I would want to pass out as soon as they went to bed without having any time to relax a bit.

To top off the good afternoon, we went out to eat as a family with some friends of ours, then stuck around at the local restaurant to listen to a friend of ours play along with some great friends of ours. And of course, we ate some delicious food because Black Bear is amazing! (If you live in Morgantown and have never eaten there, you are really missing out!)

After getting my belly filled with delicious food and finally having some adult conversation, we came home and I got to watch my son play pirates with his Daddy, thanks to his birthday gifts from his buddy, Jacob. While they played, I got a phone call from my sister-in-law, Sarah, and got to catch up for a while. It's so nice to have conversations with people that you don't get to see often, especially family!

I know this post is just me rambling about all the stuff I did today. But this was a pretty big lesson for me. I am so good at counting a day out after a few hours of bad attitudes or a crappy night's sleep. But today I learned that just because a few little things get me down, I need to continue to be optimistic. When I look back on my days, most of them have been amazing. There really has never been a day that started bad and ended badly also. So from now on, I won't count out a day just because of a few bad hours. My life is so awesome, even on the bad days. Thank you, God, for the crazy awesome life I live!

We Are Incredibly Blessed

My son turns two years old on Monday. First off, whoa. Where in the world did the last two years go? Time has went by fast since I met my husband because life has been so awesome, but since we have had our children, it has flown by! Along with a birthday comes a birthday party. We have planned a small get together with family and some little boy friends of his this weekend, and with everyone that will be coming into town, I figured I should get the house back in order so as to not add to the chaos of a birthday party weekend. Since we had our second son almost three months ago, I still haven't gotten back into the swing of things as far as housekeeping goes. Going from being a mother of one to a mother of two hasn't been very difficult for me... as long as you don't look at the upstairs of my home.

Having two children, especially when one is a newborn, has made it a bit harder to keep things as neat and tidy as I like. I prefer to spend my time doing things with my family over organizing at times, and the holidays are quickly approaching, so it gets hectic. Our youngest son is also growing incredibly fast, and sped through wearing all the clothes we had up to size 6 months already, so I am constantly pulling out the next size up of my eldest son's hand-me-downs.

As I sorted through tiny clothing and vacuum-bagged some things today, I looked around the room and was hit with this overwhelming sense of gratitude. We as a family have been so amazingly blessed. Sure, there are things we want but we don't need for anything. We have a comfortable home that, while it has some storage space issues, allows for us to be warm, dry, and have guests over. We have clothing that is in great condition. The boys even have so much clothing that I have had to give some away due to lack of space! We have shoes. We eat three meals a day. We are all very healthy, aside from a cold here and there. We have never experienced great or unexpected loss  And we have one another to love.

It's easy to sometimes dwell on the bad. Money is occassionally tight, but I believe every family goes through a period like that. I would love to eat something besides the same things over and over for dinners, but I'm happy to have what we do. We don't have enough bad to outweigh the good in our life. I cannot believe how gracious God has been to us to allow us to live the wonderful life that we do.

Our children will be growing up in a world that is becoming more me-focused by the day. Because of this, we have decide to forego the usual Santa tradition for one we have come up with ourselves. Every year, in the spirit of St. Nicholas, our children will choose gifts to give to other children in need. Winter coats, shoes, toys. Whatever the child may need. And we will deliver the gifts around Christmastime so that our kids can see how great it is to see someone's face light up when you are able to bless them from the abundance you have been given. I pray that we are able to show our children how to love others and give from their hearts because of all that we have been blessed with. Perhaps we can help others feel just as blessed as we do.

Being Prepared Feels Awesome!

No crazy, life-changing, mind-shattering revelation today. But I did learn something that is just awesome!

I am a fairly organized person. I plan our menus at least a week in advance. I love to cook ahead and freeze meals. I write everything on the calendar. And I have a daily to-do list. But one thing that always sneaks up on me and that I'm never prepared for is Christmas. I absolutely love the holiday. Everyone is cheerful and places are decorated beautifully. And my most favorite thing in the world to do is give people gifts! (Just as a general disclaimer, we don't believe that gifts are the best thing about Christmas, but when you know you are buying presents because of the awesome gift that God gave us in His son, Jesus, giving gifts is even more enjoyable!) I don't really love shopping, but when I'm buying things for someone else, (especially my boys!) I go crazy!

Despite my love for the holiday, I typically find myself shopping up to the week before Christmas, and wrapping on Christmas Eve! (We don't do Santa in our home so wrapping gifts before Christmas and having them around where our kids can see them isn't a big deal. I'm sure that will change when they start wanting to open them, though!) I decided that this year was going to be different. No last minute rushing. No spending all that money on gifts within a couple weeks. No wrapping until midnight the night before we leave to visit family. Especially since we have a fairly new baby and things are kind of hectic right now.

So, we started shopping in August. See something someone might like on sale? Scoop it up! Make gift baskets so we can buy a few different items. And slowly, we have come to accumulate a mound of gifts for our family! The best part is that we have been able to purchase more, better quality gifts for everyone because we took advantage of so many great deals and spread our shopping out for months instead of into one hurried month.

The other great part? As of tonight, aside from stocking stuffers that don't get wrapped, every single gift we have bought is already wrapped, labeled, and ready for ribbon! (I don't do that until closer to Christmas because the pretty bows get smashed when storing.) We only have a few gifts left to buy, and a few things we are waiting on to be delivered, but I am already 80% done shopping and it is only the beginning of November! I'm so excited that I don't have to stress about getting gifts between Thanksgiving and Christmas this year (though I will still go check out some Black Friday deals for last minute things.)

Now for the hard part... Waiting almost two months to give everyone their gifts! Thankfully my son's birthday party is this weekend, so I can at least give him a few things. ;)

Mommies Don't Get To Wake Up Early (At Least Not By Their Own Doing)

I have been slacking in the area of spending quality time with God. I don't remember the last time I sat down and read my bible more than just to know the passage we were covering in Sunday service or our community group. I've been "Read(ing) Through the Bible in a Year" for going on two years now. My only regular prayer time is in the evenings when we pray together before my son goes to bed. And by the end of the day I feel like I've been drug through the mud because I just feel so heavy.

I don't understand why we hesitate to set aside time for God. When I read and pray regularly, I feel amazing! I feel refreshed, I can take on the day with a more positive attitude, and I know I'm a more pleasant person and better wife and mom when I'm in constant fellowship with God. So why is it so easy to push Him away? It's just like exercise... I know that I want to exercise. I know that it makes me feel better about myself and provides me with so much more energy. But I never find time for it despite all of the reasons I want to! And when I do, the "habit" last for about two weeks and then I push it aside again.

After listening to the sermon yesterday and talking about a few things in our community group last night, I realized that I truly desire to be in a more constant fellowship with Christ not only for myself, but for my husband and children. I want to be more pleasant in every day life. I want to be able to teach my children about how awesome God is throughout the day when they are at home with me. I desire to meet my neighbors and get to know them on more than just a wave-as-I-drive-by level and to potentially share the good news of Christ with them. So I decided to start being more intentional about setting aside a chunk of my time to learn about and talk with God.

When I went to bed last night, I set my alarm for 7:00am.  My eldest son usually wakes up around 7:45am, and our youngest is sometimes asleep, but when he's awake he's content just staring at a light fixture or a dangling toy. So that would give me a nice chunk of time to start out my day with some fellowship with God. And, of course, the inevitable (and usual) happened... At 6:55am, five minutes before my alarm was set to go off, I hear, "Hey! Mommy! Daddy!" over the monitor. I hit the button to turn on the video and sure enough, my eldest son was standing at his door yelling for us. (He has yet to figure out how to turn regular round doorknobs. I consider this a blessing.)

So, I began my day like every other one today. And I realized that if I want to spend time with God, I'm probably going to have to be even more intentional than waking up at 7:00am. I feel like any morning time starting sooner than that is still bedtime, so I'm not quite sure I can crack into waking up at 6:30am. But I do have a nice hour and a half chunk of time in the afternoon that is called naptime. I so enjoy taking a nap during that time, especially since I do have a newborn who still enjoys waking up multiple times throughout the night. But perhaps I need to learn to go to sleep before 10:30pm and find my rejuvenation during the day in the refreshment of God's Word. The thing that makes me more pleasant in the morning is surely able to help in the afternoon just the same.

So, we'll see how this afternoon goes. And maybe one day I will get to wake up in the morning when my alarm goes off and not when someone yells for me. We'll work on the exercise thing later.

What I Learned To Do With My Extra Hour

It's that time of year that I used to look forward to. That weekend when you get this magical extra hour of something. For me, that something was always sleep! Glorious, refreshing, sound sleep. Then I became a mother.

Children don't understand the concept of an extra hour of sleep. They go to bed at their normal 8:00pm bedtime. And they wake up 12 hours later. It doesn't matter what the clock says. I know this concept well. This isn't my first time experiencing a time change with children. And yet I made a dumb mistake... Instead of going to bed so I could at least get the normal amount of sleep, I decided to stay awake until after midnight. Which is about two hours later than my usual bedtime!

As I laid down to go to sleep, I thought about how tired I was going to be in the morning. Sundays tend to be long days for us, so I like to get to bed early on Saturday evenings. I expected to wake up grouchy and frustrated, especially since it was our two-month-old's first night in his own room. But when I woke up this morning, I felt great! And my day was great! How in the world did I go to sleep so late, not get to gain an extra hour of sleep, and still wake up happy?

Because I realized that I didn't need an extra hour of sleep. Or an extra hour of tv time. Or an extra hour to myself. I was given the privilege to be a mom for an extra hour today. I got to wake up early and enjoy time with my husband and children. I got ready for service in plenty of time, listened to a wonderful sermon, took advantage of some great Christmas shopping deals, took a nap with my son, and attended our awesome Community Group. I realized that sleep doesn't matter as much as having more time to be with the people that mean the most to me. My goal now is to remember every day that I've been given the gift of time with my family, and I pray that I use that time wisely and help my family to grow strong together.

I guess time changes aren't that bad after all. Sometimes they give you a better outlook on life.

Sweatpants are Too Comfortable to Not Wear.

Yes, I already missed a day. But in my defense, I was busy wrapping birthday and Christmas presents, and spending time with my family. So I'll just post twice today and then it's like it never happened ;)

On Saturday, we all woke up and knew we had some errands we needed to run. In our family, weekend days without some type of obligations come around very infrequently, so we tend to be exhausted by the end of the weekend. This weekend all we had planned was some shopping, a quick run to our church building, and a trip to the bank. I went through our usual routine: get the boys downstairs, change diapers and dress them, get breakfast, and go about the list of to-dos. My awesome husband made us breakfast as I dressed the boys. I got them cozied up and comfy in their sweatpants and long sleeve t-shirts so that they would be warm and wouldn't fuss because of scratchy stiff jeans. After breakfast, my husband went upstairs to dress and came down in sweatpants and a t-shirt also. Then it was my turn.

It takes me forever to get ready, even for a short errand trip on a lazy Saturday. This Saturday looked like it was going to be the same as those others. I pulled out a pair of jeans, a nice shirt, picked out earrings and cute shoes. Then, as I was yanking my jeans over my post-baby bottom, I thought jealously about how the boys all got to be so comfortable on our trip out, while I had to find a way to look nice with just a short amount of time to get ready, and I was already looking forward to coming home and putting on my yoga pants and tee. Then I thought, why? Why can't I be comfortable while we go out? Why do I feel the need to get all "dolled up" to run out on some errands when I felt pretty crappy from the cold I've been fighting recently?

Now, I don't mean that it should be okay for me to go out in mismatched clothing, with mascera lines under my eyes and my hair a frizzy mess. I like to look decent when I go out, if for no other reason than that I respect myself and want to look good for my husband, even when we are just going on a quick trip out. I'm still fairly young and still in the typical post-baby body funk. So I put away the jeans. Folded my nice shirt. And pulled out my cute WVU sweats and t-shirt, the comfiest pair of socks I have, my WVU clogs/slippers, and threw my hair into a combed ponytail. And you know what... I still looked fine! I didn't spend twenty minutes doing my hair. I didn't have to use multiple makeup products on my face. I was me, and I was comfortable. Not only physically, but I realized in that moment that I was finally comfortable enough with myself to not cover up behind nicer clothes, makeup, and sleeked, shiny hair.

So, what did I learn yesterday? I learned that finally, after being on this earth for almost 28 years, and being married for three, and having two children, I am comfortable with who God made me to be. I realized that I haven't worn makeup when going out of the house more than once a week. That I don't mind wearing my more comfortable clothing when I'm just running out for a bit. But the best part was that I wasn't comfortable doing it just because I didn't care about my appearance anymore, and that I wasn't letting myself go. I was simply pleased with being me. And it was a wonderful feeling.

In a Nutshell...

I'm inconsistent. I have half-knitted scarves that will never be worn. My shelf is full of books that will forever have a marked page three-quarters of the way through. And I start blogs and forget about them. Yet here I am, starting a new blog. Again.

Here's my purpose, in a nutshell. I think about my past a lot. About how I left college long before I graduated, and how I still believe that's one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. I love learning. I envy those who are continually sitting in a classroom, listening to an interesting lecture and challenging their brains. I miss taking notes and highlighting a textbook. I miss learning and challenging myself. But, then I realize, I am learning. Every single day! If I'm breathing, then there is a leason to be learned. When I lay down to sleep at night, I've learned at least one new lesson since I got out of bed that morning.

What can you expect from this blog? You can expect to read about the big, emotional lessons that I learn throughout my days as a Christ-follower, wife, mom, sister, and friend. You can also expect to read about the tiny, seemingly insignificant, and sometimes comical, lessons I learn about random things in my day. But every day, I'll learn something. And every day, I'll write about it

Remember when I said I'm inconsistent? Well, that's very true. Which is why as much as I say I want to write every day, I won't. I'll forget. I'll be too tired. I'll not have access to a computer. But I will try my best to keep up with this blog. Not neccessarily for your sake. But for mine. To prove to myself that I am indeed learning every day. And to chronicle my journey of learning.

So, here goes nothing. I hope maybe you can learn from my lessons in the process.