There's Peace In The Waiting

I have had a bumpy past few days.  I won't go into detail, but we've had a situation come up in our life that has required me to trust God and wait.  I'm horrible at waiting.  I don't like backed up traffic.  I always find the shortest line at Wal-Mart.  (Impossible, I know. Yet I still try.) I have been working on growing in my trust in the Lord and in His plan, but this week has definitely thrown a wrench into things.
Throughout this time, I keep hearing a still, small voice say, "There's peace in the waiting.  Trust."  And what do I shout back?...  "Why?!  Why do I have to wait?!  How can I be expected to trust when I don't know if my trust will be rewarded with good news?"  I have had to wait before, but never like this.  Never for an answer that means so much to me.  Today I expected an answer.  And again, I got a, "Wait."  I honestly don't know how much more waiting I can do.  My mind is exhausted and I have run out of room for worries.  And yet here I sit, in my quiet dining room, worrying and waiting.
I have used the last few days to find any opportunity to pray that I can.  I pray as I nurse my son.  I pray as I get ready in the morning.  I pray as I lay in bed worrying, because surely praying is more productive than worrying, even at 2:00am.
I have been craving one of my favorite childhood snacks, Chex Muddy Buddies, for a few days now.  Today I finally had a few spare minutes and mixed them up.  As my kids sat in the living room content, I measured ingredients into a bowl and prayed to myself.  I mixed messy peanut butter and chocolate into cereal with my hands as tears started to fall down my face.  And then I stopped.  A small sound was creeping into my mind.  What was it?  I needed to focus for a minute to figure out what it was through my worrying.  I closed my eyes and begged for the sound to fill my mind until I realized what it was.  A song.  An older favorite of mine.  I hadn't heard it in a few years, yet it was right there and I could recite every single word.  "As I wait, You make me strong.  As I long, draw me to Your arms.  As I stand, and I sing Your praise, You come, You come and You fill this place!"  I hate waiting, but I love that song, and I love what it has given to me today.
As anyone does in a waiting situation, I am waiting for the good news.  For the, "Nevermind, it's all good!"  But in this time of waiting, God is making me strong.  I'm learning to trust more and to love better.  Perhaps I need to learn that before I hear the news.  Maybe God is building me to be prepared for something that is to come, whether in this situation or the next one that comes my way.  The whole reason that I started this blog was to help me realize that I was learning something new every day.  And today I learned an important one.  Everyone always says, "God only gives you what you can handle," and with the lack of trust I have, I can't properly handle much.  I've always strived to become more trusting of God, and yet I feel like I'm spinning in a revolving door without stepping out, finding no resolution.
Just today, the trust I have in God has grown tremendously. And my belief in that still, small voice that I keep hearing that says, "There's peace in the waiting," has grown as well.  Because as I go over the different outcomes that I may be presented with in the next few days, I've felt so much peace.  I can think about our situation without crying every time, and I don't spend my waking moments worrying. I feel at peace.  I feel like I'm learning to trust.  And perhaps the situation has been stretched over time in order for me to learn a lesson that is very important.  That God knows what He's doing even if I don't.  And that I need to trust in that plan and know He will do the work He feels is needed in my life. 
But I still hope my phone rings tomorrow with news! :)