My Family Is Too Important.

Yep. I did it again.  I haven't written in...  Well...  The time doesn't need to be mentioned.  But you will understand why when you read this post.  And you will also learn that my "every day" goal is being knocked down to "twice a week."
I have a problem.  I get busy too easily.  I always find something to occupy my time and I have a horrible habit of always saying, "Yes!"  That may not seem like that bad of a habit, until you factor in that I have a husband, two children, and myself to take care of, on top of all of the other responsibilities that I take on.  I recently had a bit of a wake up call about my busy-ness.
My children are growing up so quickly, and most of my time is spent cleaning, organizing, emailing, typing, or reading, and taking care of the things I have committed to doing for others.  I love my friends.  I love my (extended) family.  I love my church family.  But my immediate family is what is most important in my life, aside from God.  And I am watching them pass by me and spending minimal amounts of time pouring into them.  It seems like there is always an event to attend, an errand to run, a schedule to make, or a book I have to read (whether for pleasure, or because I'm asked to.)  And as I take care of those responsibilities, I get irritated when my children, or time itself, don't cooperate and allow me to finish the tasks I need to.  But while I wrote out my to-do list the other day and flipped the page because I ran out of room, I realized that no where on that list is, "Build towers with Cameron," or "Baby Talk with Bennett," or "Cuddle with Hubby."  And "Put Your Feet Up and Relax," was definitely not on the list.  Instead, I needed to clean, organize, bake a cake, make a gift, read a chapter of a book, write a blog post, etc....  I try to make my to-do lists in order of priority.  Devotional time is always at the top, but it somehow gets pushed down further every day.  So, not only am I straying from spending time with my family, but from spending time with my Heavenly Father as well.
So I have resolved to change that.  Before I bother to even start the dishes, I will play cars or build towers with Cameron.  I will cuddle and chat with Ben.  When my husband gets home and the kids are asleep, I will cuddle with him instead of read or play a game on my phone or bake something.  This seems like a great change, right?  Of course it does!...  Until I realize that by re-prioritizing my days, I will need to say "no."  It is such a hard word for me to say.  I have always striven to be liked by everyone I know.  I want to please them and show them that I am committed to our relationship.  But being committed doesn't mean that I always have to do everything I am asked to do.  I can't always bake the cake they need.  I can't always read some of that book they "assigned" to me.  I can't always attend that meeting.  And that will just have to be okay.
The holidays are approaching, and so is one of the times I dread.  I have always loved Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I used to love traveling.  Then I had children.  Such little humans require so many things when you go on trips, and sleeping in places besides home doesn't happen easily for them or me.  I end up coming home from holiday "vacation" exhausted and stressed with a ton of laundry (and gifts, at Christmas time) to sort.  We are entering the time when everyone wants us to be somewhere.  I feel like it is completely impossible to make everyone happy unless you travel to visit everyone you know for every single holiday.  That's a lot of every-s.  And honestly, I don't like it.  I shouldn't be spending my favorite time of year stressing about who I'm upsetting by staying in one place for too long.  I shouldn't be worried that someone will look down on me for staying home with my sweet little family for Christmas day instead of traveling in the car.  But I still do.  I worry and wish I could have planned differently and I stress until I can't sleep. If I had my way, we would stay in the comfort of our home and people would come see us instead of us lugging everything out of our home and inevitably bringing back twice as much, because there are always leftovers, new clothes, or new toys that someone wants to send with us.  It doesn't matter if we are visiting family or friends, the stress is still the same.  A vacation to me is just a trip away from our comfortable home, and I'm still Mom and still in-demand 24/7.  I'm fine being Mom all the time.  I love it.  But when you add additional stressors, it gets HARD! (Side note: I love all of our extended family, and I enjoy spending time with them and doing fun things together.  I'm assuming that is a known when I type this. It's the traveling part of vacations that I don't enjoy.)
I want to see all of our family for the holidays.  I want to be okay with traveling constantly.  I want to be fine with us taking our time off work to be away from home.  (I think people forget about that last part.)  But I can't.  It's something I have struggled with for over two years now and I probably always will.  I don't think families should feel like visits always have to be alternated, or equal amounts of time, yet I place that burden on myself and try to make everything fair.  No one even has to mention fairness or holiday visits for me to start worrying.  I do it to myself.
This year, I want to try my best to enjoy my holiday season with my family of four.  We may not be in our home, but we will be all together.  I will love the time we spend with our extended family, but at the end of the day, the time I spent with my husband and little boys is what matters most to me.  And I will start saving money like crazy so that we can one day have our own home and people can come visit us for a holiday and maybe I won't stress as much.  But I still probably will.
Because my family is TOO important.  They are TOO important for me to need to have all the laundry and dishes cleaned.  They are TOO important for me to have to make that schedule and read that book when I haven't spoken kind words to them yet today.  They are TOO important for me to worry about writing a blog post more than twice a week.  And they are TOO important for me to worry about pleasing everyone that I know.  I care about making God and the three guys that live under my roof happy.  And that's just going to have to be okay from now on.